A few weeks after my son was born, my sweet little cat died. I cried, but I mostly hid those tears. In light of all the suffering going on in the world, it didn’t feel right to be sad about a cat. I grieved, but silently.
A few weeks ago, one of our beloved dogs passed away quite suddenly and unexpectedly. Again, I found myself stifling my emotions. With people fighting cancer and babies in the NICU, it didn’t seem right to blubber about a pet. Blubber I did, however.
Now I find myself on day 8 of bed rest. On day 3 I found myself back at the hospital with contractions, silently begging God to make them the real thing…for Baby Girl to really, truly be coming. As much as I wanted to keep her in longer for her sake, I was done on my part. The unknowns, the contractions, the feeling terrible, and the being stuck in bed, unable to care for myself, let alone my family–all these were killing me inside.
Baby Girl did not come that day, and she’s still healthy and cooking inside of me. As we drove home from that second hospital visit, I found myself blinking back tears. Once again, they seemed so silly, so futile. I should be happy that my baby girl was still safe and healthy. I should be thanking the Lord for each day more with her inside of me, knowing that that was one day more for her to grow and for her lungs to develop.
I took my frustrations and fears to the Lord and, to my surprise, was not met with condemnation and ridicule. Instead, I felt the most overwhelming peace flood over me. In my lack of control I found the most amazing strength.
Sometimes it takes the smallest things to make us feel forgotten by God. The glorious truth, however, is that He will never leave us or forsake us. It’s okay to grieve, to be sad, even in the little things. No tear is too insignificant for God to miss. He sees and He cares. So often, it is in these little tears that we need Him the most. For, in our grief and hurt, no matter how small, we find the One True Balm…the Source of radical, inexplicable Love and Peace.
Take heart, dear one. He sees even the little tears.