Not Just a Mommy

I’ve lived my whole life watching women become moms, only to suddenly neglect their husbands, themselves, and everything else.  My mom always encouraged us to not be one of those women.  I myself had determined to not be the woman whose life revolves solely around being a mom.  Sometimes, however, the best laid plans and intentions fall through.

What I never accounted for was how easy it would be to fall into the trap of making “mommy” your only identity.  The last six weeks have been full and rich, but they’ve revolved mostly around one cute little baby.  Miles commands my attention almost 24/7.  He needs me to feed him, clothe him, bathe him, change his diapers, and hold him.  When he’s having a hard time sleeping, he needs me to bounce him until he finally drifts off.  Plus, let’s face it, I just love holding him, talking to him, and playing with him.  Before you know it, everything else I’ve ever been fades into the background as my life begins to center more-and-more on my sweet baby boy.

But that’s not the way it’s meant to be.  I’ve always firmly believed, and still do, that my marriage should come before my children.  If my husband and I do not have a firm foundation, then how can I expect to be a good parent to my children?  And then there’s everything else that God’s created me to be…the little passions he’s placed in me.  How can I abandon those?

It’s not that being a mommy isn’t important.  It’s an amazing calling, and a huge responsibility.  I stay at home to be a mommy to my little boy.  It’s important to treasure and spend time with your little ones!

And yet, as my mom encouraged me the other day:  I’m not just a mommy.  Let’s be honest…how many of us moms no longer put the effort into looking cute?  How infrequent has your time with your hubby become?  Do you ever wear anything “special” for him anymore?  When’s the last time you went on a date with your spouse?  Are you the type of mom who will make it to your child’s first birthday without ever having left them…ever? 

Yes, being a mommy is important, but so is being a wife.  And a woman.  And a follower of Christ.  And all the other things God’s created you to be.  Don’t loose who you are—who God created you to be—for the sake of being a mommy!  In the long run, you’ll be a much better mommy if your marriage is healthy.  You’ll be a much better wife if you take time for yourself.  You’ll take more time for yourself if your “mommy” hat is just one of many. 

In honor of this new challenge to myself (and you), I have two cute new pairs of boots sitting in my closet…and I’m really going to wear them.   

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6 thoughts on “Not Just a Mommy

  1. I totally agree with you! As women of God we are supposed to put our husbands and our marriage first! My husband has been gone most of my pregnancy, but I have still made it a habit to put real clothes on every day and do my makeup-a habit I plan to continue after our baby is born so that I don't become one of “those” moms.

  2. I want to see a picture of your new boots with your cutest outfit! Intentionally carve out some God time, husband time, and me time apart from your new little guy! Loving your child, but not making him the center of the universe is good for him too. Love him enough NOT to make him an idol and some day he'll actually thank you!

  3. I'm 8 days in and just getting through the day making sure we're all dressed and fed is an achievement. It's so hard to make time for each other when we're just trying to survive. It'll get better though, right?!

  4. Oh yes, it definitely geta better. We'll be eight weeks in tomorrow, and everything is finally starting to have a rhythm to it! We definitely have to be more intentional about couple time, but it's doablem. We've even left the baby with my MIL a few times now!

  5. Oh yes, it definitely geta better. We'll be eight weeks in tomorrow, and everything is finally starting to have a rhythm to it! We definitely have to be more intentional about couple time, but it's doablem. We've even left the baby with my MIL a few times now!

  6. Firstly – I want to state that I am no offended by this post nor do I think you mean to look down on others in the writing of this post, but I don't think this is a very balanced look at motherhood.

    I agree that motherhood should not take precedence over God or your marriage, but you know there's a reason parenthood is called a sacrifice. And that's because you and your husband have to lay down your life and wants daily for your children!

    It disheartens me to see moms who don't wear heels anymore or manage to get make up on every morning referred to as “those moms”. You yourself state in a more recent blog post that reading blogs of other moms who have a schedule and clean house already makes you feel inadequate. How do you think that this kind of judgement makes moms who struggle with looking put together feel? Some of the best moms I know live in yoga pants and t-shirts. Whether moms wear make up or not is a pretty shallow indicator of how they are raising their kids or what their relationship with their husband is like!

    I know you've only been a mom for a few months but I think you'll find after mothering for longer that the world will not end if you run out for milk in sweats or take that extra five minutes in the morning to make a healthier breakfast instead of putting on make up. In fact, it just might make for happier children.

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