I’m realizing more and more how much of a control freak I am. I think I get it from my mom. She always had a certain way to do anything, from the dishes to chores, and we learned pretty quickly that to make her happy, we had to do them her way.
I always thought I was more laid back than her, but I’m really not. One of the reasons I rarely ask Andy for help with cleaning or cooking is that, as much as I hate to admit it, I want the control. I want to be able to do it my way on my time. I could say that I’m just being nice or that I like to do everything because he’s so busy. The truth of the matter, however, is that I just don’t want him to do it anyway other than my way. (Can anyone else relate?)
Case in point, every time one of my sisters comes to visit I invariably have to tell them how to “do” the dishes or clean something because they just aren’t doing it right. Completely silly, I know.
So, as you can imagine, this baby on the way has brought to the surface even more of my controlling tendencies. The first is at work, and the second is at home. I’m finding myself having a really hard time handing over my duties at work to someone else. When I first started at the Ironworks I had to sort through the mess that someone else left behind, organize it, and figure out a new and better system. Oh, and did I mention that wasn’t my area of expertise? The closest experience I had to anything related to accounting, accounts payable, customer service, or customer statements was an accounting course I took in college to satisfy a requirement. And, I got the lowest grade of any college class in that one.
Anyway, somehow I learned as I went, figured everything out, and then decided to move on to a job in the field I actually studied (elementary ed). Big mistake. The gal they hired to replace me, and whom I had spent many hours training, had everything back in a shambles within the course of two weeks. So, she got fired and I came back to reorganize everything…again.
Since that time, well over a year ago, I’ve been the accounts payable person at the Ironworks, among a myriad of other odd jobs. Surprisingly, the job I hated in the beginning I soon grew to love. The hours were flexible, it wasn’t full-time, and I had the accounts payable process down to an art. A fine art. Only problem was, I knew that at some point (hint: when baby made his appearance), I’d have to train someone else to do my job and hope that they didn’t mess it up again. This time, I wasn’t coming back…I was transitioning into being a stay-at-home mom.
Really, I’ve been blessed. They ended up hiring a really great gal to replace me. I’ve been so surprised by how quickly she’s picked everything up. Honestly, she has it even more organized than I did. Because of her, I’m learning that I don’t have to control everything for it to run smoothly. I need to let things go, release the reins, and stop worrying. Now, if only I could learn that at home!
One of the only things that’s been worrying me most about this baby coming is what’s going to happen to my house chores. I know that there will be plenty of people willing to pitch in. Only, being completely honest here, I don’t want them to. Why? Because they won’t “do” everything the way I would, that’s why! I’m just sure that somebody will use some chemical I’d never use, break my vacuum cleaner, or just “mess up” my “process”.
Just the other day I told Andy to make sure that nobody put my good knives in the dishwasher. One time I had a relative run my good bread knife through their dishwasher, and it’s never been the same since. I told him that, other than that, everything should be fine. Oh, but not to put my pots and pans in there either. Or let anything be touching. Or put soap in my cast iron skillet. Or…well, you get the picture. Not that Andy doesn’t already know these “preferences” on my part. I just want to make sure that he makes sure everyone else does.
Am I the only woman who feels this way? How did I live so long without realizing my controlling tendencies? Am I really that bad?
If someone knows how to fix this problem of mine, please speak up quickly. In the back of my mind I’m desperately afraid that everyone is going to suddenly realize me for the controlling weirdo that I am.