Tears streamed down my cheeks as I walked out of the house and down the street with my dog. Nothing was going as planned…nothing. I was frustrated and disappointed and sad. The vacation we had been planning on taking with my family, to the one place I’ve wanted to take him for as long as I can remember, long before I knew him, wasn’t going to happen this year. Work obligations had come up, and he just couldn’t take that much time off right now. I was hurt and angry. Yet, as I walked down that street praying, I realized how wrong I was. A year ago, when I had promised to be his helpmeet and support him in everything, I hadn’t just meant when he was doing what I wanted to do. I had meant in times like these, when his work, his calling, conflicted with my desires. I knew I had to help him in his work and support him, not complain and suck the life out of him. As I walked back up the street I saw him come around the corner. He came softly up to me, took me in his arms, and said, “I need you to support me. I can’t do this without you.” I knew then in my heart that I needed him just as much as he needed me…probably more.
My husband is the epitome of the phrase “still water runs deep”. I remember his grandmother telling me that about him the first time I met her, while we were engaged. I don’t really think I knew what she meant then, but I do now.
Andrew Cartwright Baker. I remember when I first met him, at a conference in Kentucky. I was intrigued by this tall, blue-eyed young man, but perplexed too. He was so very quiet. He would stand off aloof from everyone, silent. I thought he was sullen or grouchy then. If I had only known then that he was watching everyone, pondering everything. Nothing missed his quick eye. What would I have thought of him then, had I known the great depths of his mind and his soul? Yet, God knew all along. He knew that the man He was blessing me with was special, set apart, different.
My Andy loves his Savior with everything he’s got. He may not constantly talk about it, but I can see it. I see it when he reads his Bible or when he’s leading the college Sunday school class. I hear it in his voice when he prays. There’s a fire in his bright blue eyes that nothing can quench or contain. It reaches down into the depths of his soul, and pervades his every thought, every word, every action.
I see it too in how he treats me. He’s not perfect, but he tries his best to love me as Christ loved the church, and lead our family in the ways of the Lord. He loves me, protects me, and cherishes me. He works hard to provide for us, so that I don’t have to spend 40 hours a week in a cramped office in order to put food on the table. He buys nice things for me that I don’t need, just because he loves me and wants me to have them. He never wants me to lack anything.
He watches girl movies with me sometimes, and snuggles with me on the couch. He eats very un-Southern food and tries to make good food choices at restaurants, all because he wants to please me and make me proud. He does. 🙂
I love watching him with kids, so sweet with and not at all awkward. I love how he’s not ashamed to play with them and hold them. I think of someday soon, when he’ll be smiling and playing with our own little ones.
Like I said before, my Andy is different. He has such a soft, tender heart for me, for children, for others. Yet, he is so manly. It’s his pleasure to take care of me and protect me, to see that I lack nothing, either materially or emotionally.
I did not marry a preacher, a missionary, or a great evangelist. Yet everyday I am reminded of what I did marry…a man after God’s own heart. A warrior-poet, like David himself. A man who cares little what other men think, but only what God thinks. A man who’s not afraid to be different for the sake of Christ. Yes, my Andy is no ordinary man.
Daily I wonder why God saw fit to bless me with such a man. Surely I could never deserve him! Yet I see that God is molding me through him. He is teaching me patience and the value of waiting. I am learning to wait for Andy to think over something when I see that distant look in his eye and not to pester him instead of trying to force my way into his heart, his thoughts. For when he gives me the key to those great depths, I realize how worth it the waiting was, and the waiting becomes so sweet!
Yes, Lord, you knew I needed this man, with his cool blue eyes and great deep depths. My hero, my king, my captain. My best friend, my husband, my lover. My Andy.